Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
