seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
