But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
