Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
