There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Randomize
