So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
