Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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