i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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