I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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