I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
