4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
