so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
