i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
