I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
