I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
