just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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