why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
