saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
