but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
