Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
