did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
