just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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