Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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