i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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