Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
