there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You can't just leave with hair like that
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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