you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
