mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize