I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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