ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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