I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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