Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
