Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
