Hey man sorry I got all grabby
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Randomize
