Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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