Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
