How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
