**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
