carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
