Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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