There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
