there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
