:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
