He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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