Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
