we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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