grandma shit on top of the toilet
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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