I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
it was like his penis was on wheels.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
