I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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