I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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