summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize