I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
