I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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