Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize