she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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