Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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