i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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