hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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