Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
