I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
