god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
please don't ironically join a cult
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