My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
