Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize