I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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