he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
