I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
