oh god the rape fog is back!
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
