I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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