You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
