my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
i think i just lost a toe
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
