I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize