You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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