Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize