the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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