so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
