Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
How many fucks given?
0.12846
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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