Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
