he wants to bone in the snuggie
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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