There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
