I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize