After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
