how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I understand Curling. That high.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
