if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
