Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
