Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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