I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
