thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
