Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
