yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
