awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I pour the whiskey from now on
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
