I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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