My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
