I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
