twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
