you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Every concussion has its silver lining
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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