cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
