i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
