i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
