trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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