Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
No I am not eating basil off your cock
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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