hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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