i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
