you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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