lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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