4 words: hood of his car
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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