Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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