Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize