I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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